1995-10-29 - Sunday - Shirdi Sansthan trustees interview

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1995-10-24 - Tuesday - Solar Eclipse - I am still eclipsed. "Baba - Sathya Sai" with its controversial interpretations, also "A bunch of old letters" of Prof GV (from Amar Singh). 4 Tintins - Red Sea Sharks, Ottokar's sceptre, Black Gold & Crab with the golden claws - for Prashant, fever. Afternoon nap. Eclipse not seen - too bright + clouds. But on video. Also, film (starts with S, couldn't decipher the name.) 

Even earlier You had to personally make the old ladies sit in lines, today again. Saris to all old ladies, who picked and chose, returning cotton for silk! This was in the evening. Morning (eclipse) - You came down the aisle, talked something about eclipse. 

Vishnuvardhan says Brindavan is more spiritual now - Hanuman chalisa daily - "ghost seen".

Baba Sathya Sai's "Avatar - Verily" taken to be objectionable by many! They can't stand other opinions. 

1995-10-25 - Wednesday - PG full day class, UG only half-day with shift - morning Parthi, afternoon Brindavan. Prof continued Gen. Tensors, Prof. Sharme Lie groups, GV? SSP. S4 Guided wave phenomena, Sikka Sir practicals, S4 computer practicals. Every day after bhajan Prof Sharma. Terribly off mood by night. Prof giving homework etc. 

Bought Chinna Katha II on borrowed money - symbolic of my stay here? Must consciously make some effort - not wallow in pleasure-loving. 

You gave T-shirts to all of us! Told boys/teachers to distribute - Primary + School + Institute. See [Your picture] in all. Then, sarees again - Primary teachers etc. 

Mental state is so wretched I can't describe even here - but thinking of unhappy things is of no use. When can I transform, like Ashwin did in his X or so? Sikivahan, too. Shailesh Sir too. Waking at 4 seems a pipe-dream. At least other things ... I have You to talk to, why anyone else? [All this is effect of drugs.]

1995-10-26 - Thursday - Got the Rs. 700/- from bank to pay for books ordered - Life is a game, play it, etc. Full day practicals - polishing fiber. Prof Sharma - sticking to Nakahara like a leech. Slept a little during darshan. 

Some progress - no BONUS, no buns etc, but woke at 7 am. Thought for the day, in short, is 'Practice what you preach'. i.e. don't open your big mouth. G. V. Rao (classmate) snapping at me as I touched on raw nerve (his A grade in Electronics practicals) ⇒ SHUT UP. Maybe I can practise talking only to You. Idle mind, devil's workshop - You've started the hard work again, driving out old Mephistopheles.

1995-10-27 - Friday - "Sai Nandana" renamed today, 70 articles from Rammohan Sir's collection - Proof reading, correcting & improving construction also in some cases ... Ravi Kiran called, 8:30 to 12:30 pm. Finally slept around 1. Saw Bipin Poddar's laptop 486 with active colour display.

Mephistopheles can find time very efficiently ... Fri & Sat are blank as 3 days have passed (before I wrote the diary). Laziness in not studying after 8:30 (when dinner is over) unpleasantness all around. 

1995-10-28 - Saturday - Slept instead of seeing "Lion King", so no diary also. KBR's practicals as usual - write first, then do. Slept till 7:30 am too, as last night (I had slept only at 1 am.)

Far from getting up at 4 every day, 7:30! Of course, last night's work is an exception, but bad breaks in habit - night sleeping early, too. 

1995-10-29 - Sunday - Slept whole day. Study hours rearranged cupboard; no studies... Helping Amar Singh with getting boys for notice-board work etc. 

"Baba - Sathya Sai" - Swami said giving up old habits in 2 ways - by force ⇒ when not in control, springs back. Occupy mind with better things ⇒ won't even think of it. Experience also shows that - 6 months in 2nd BSc, 2 months in MSc. But now I must actively keep myself involved ...

Amar Singh asked me to depute some boys for writing work - did half-heartedly, so he had to do it himself. Told me to sit in "middle verandah" and write mandir news - told him tough assignment, though did. Laziness...

Shirdi Sansthan trustees interview. Distributing clothes continues - police etc. You wanted to give a bag to an old man - took it, walked all the way with bag in hand, gave. Sweets to some group, from Your own hand...



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