1992-11-30 - Monday - Good resolve shaky. Read Asimov's essay collections - really good - on Sun, Moon, etc. Found and read Tintin, Beetle Bailey, from Reading Room. Swami was asked to speak on doubt by Anil Kumar Sir - it is mix of light and shadow, Jnaana and Ajnaana. When someone has malaria, sugar also tastes bitter. Nenu Nene - should realize I am I. To avoid bad thoughts, see, talk, think, do no evil, do what is good. Skill knowledge, don't kill it. Don't think, 'The age is such, all others have similar mistakes.' Purushaarthas are the four tyres, mind is the steering wheel, air of Prema fills the tyres. Don't "borrow" (flick) even pencils. Night tried, in short, resolve broke down. So, not feeling bliss pervading with Swami.
1992-12-01 - Tuesday - Now my eyes have started straying, though I always get them back before I see anything. Marching (practice for Sports Meet coming up in Jan) started yesterday, marching only instead of jogging. I'm in very bad shape, mentally and physically. Decided that tomorrow onwards I won't sleep after Suprabhatam, and instead practice running for long distance. That will prevent bath also. Also try to be good, do, see, think good, then will be closer to Swami. All these due to castaway treatment - I didn't have a number (in the darshan lots), so was outside Kalyanamantap and Trayee Mandir yesterday. Discourse was for me - Broad mind - don't ask for "wages", then you will end up getting even more. When one loves God, can meditate. Saranaagati - Vibhishana. Only 40 minutes Discourse.
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