up to 1994-03-18 - Friday - referring to Swami as "You"

At the Stadium for Sports Meet practice - 1995-96 - from my "Swami albums"

Condensing multiple days into a single post.

1994-03-15 - Tuesday - So it's really testing time for Brindavan. Swami's not talking to any of us, not coming near,  not smiling, just looking with a searching eye. No studies for a long time. Did Math 401 definitions till 11:40 am, then wrote carols etc in pad. While returning from College after prayer, had darshan of Swami in car, returning - mouthing "Why are boys back?"

Took TV, VCR on tricycle to college, prayer time talk by Anil Kumar Sir + Best all-rounder prize to Ajnish. All-rounder indeed, as I told Rajesh Singh sitting on prayer hall steps, being late due to TV shifting. Maths test on Saturday, full-fledged pre-final test. Did Chemistry in the evening and during study hours - Physical Chemistry one topic he had missed. Decided not to cover up untouched stuff, instead concentrate completely on whatever was taught. BK asking Bio Maths doubts - simple calculus. Finally studied for less than half the allotted time, as I wrote carols instead waiting for darshan, and wasted time waiting for barber. 

1994-03-16 - Wednesday - Swami woke me at 3 AM! And I got up! Four and a half hours of sleep. Started with Chemical Kinetics in AVC, after brushing. One or two rooms had lights glowing. Actually studied only an hour and fifteen minutes before Suprabhatam. Then, again AVC Sharanam Gachchaami after bath, at 6:15. Breakfast, darshan time writing "Songs by boys". Only Swami could have given that determination to continue Chemistry. Derived some one or two equations, rest wrote from Notes into Review Notes, referring K. L. Kapoor once. Slept in the afternoon, so didn't start Electro Chemistry again till 6:10 pm (after bhajans). Then, the one page left took the whole of study hours, sitting in the corridor because of the heat, going to Subramanyam Sir's room (he was not there) for clearing Linear Analysis doubt, watching stars (so beautiful the night sky is, especially when there are no lights to dim the stars). Then a plane went by - can judge its speed by the stars rushing by it. Finally, Electro Chemistry also over. Inorganic, Organic and Bio are left! Writing is useful, I think. In the afternoon, Warden Sir spoke on B-floor terrace at 4:15 - setting up (the mics) took some half an hour, including putting insulation etc in AVC 3:00 to 3:30.  

1994-03-17 - Thursday - Got up only at 5 AM, when Shivaprasad called me for music (which I was supposed to put on the PA system before Suprabhatam.) He has also joined the Prayer Hall group, putting mats with Prakash - so can go in front of lines (for darshan) - 6.1 etc. 

6.1 refers to the way in which the lines used to be numbered at Brindavan at that time. The numbering refers to a "three abreast" situation, with the numbers going as
1.1, 1.2, 1.3;
2.1, 2.2, 2.3;
3.1, 3.2, 3.3 etc. This was relevant for Prasanthi Nilayam, when we used to go to Mandir in such "three abreast" lines in those years. But at Brindavan, we used to go to Trayee, and later Sai Ramesh Hall, in single file. But the numbering system still remained! 

Then haircut - he gave me a military cut with the "machine"clipper. After darshan + seva dal bhajan (the ladies' voices sounded soothing, the gents' harsh - no wonder Swami prefers the ladies) Stores after reserving books in College library - 7 books, 2 of BK's cards, one Raghuram's, (and four library cards were mine.) Then AVC, slept for half an hour on the table. Finally one hour "Vector Spaces", Chapter 2. Slept again in the afternoon, so could do only Chapter 3 by night - writing theorems + proofs + definitions + problems in outline. 8 to 8:30 doubt-clearing - how to show matrix B represents the same linear transformation if A = PBQ^-1. Sir struggled for 25 minutes, then gave the answer in 5 minutes, then 3 minutes extraneous discussion on some book on Prayer. Finally finished Chp 3 problems by 9 o'clock (theory was completed while waiting for darshan) then cleaned AVC left cupboard till 11 o'clock - Ankur came and went. Many things to be thrown away. 

 

In the afternoon, after sleeping, tasted like salt-water or sea-water or tears. Bhajan time, Swami was (I think) looking straight at me and I was staring back, but I was seeing Him as I was thinking of something else. Just when I came back, He averted His eyes.

1994-03-18 - Friday - Sometimes, the necessity of writing a diary is not obvious, especially when people ask. Suddenly, "it flashed", as Sanskrit Sir puts it - if I write as if I am talking to my only Sakha, it will help. Then, catharsis also, so needn't talk to others. So, now onwards, whenever Swami is mentioned, I'll use "You" or "you" even, because "You" won't mind "you", though I'll try "You".

Washed mat (on which I would sit for darshan and bhajan). Old habits die hard. Sudeep just after lunch, Kshitij near tea-time. 10 minutes talking to each. Sudeep may be going (to our home-town Kozhikode, after the end of the semester) with Ajay on 2nd. KSRTC bus --> I may reach before Vishu. 

Wrote Vishwanathashtakam at darshan time. My place was near the rear corner - good darshan. Swami said, "Keep quiet!" when boys shouted, "Please, Swami!" again and again and again.

 

Couldn't study very well 6 to 7 pm. Again, heavy dinner, and Mr. Joga Rao before dinner, emissary from Swami, "Don't ask like this." But boys all ran down thinking Swami had called or something, with Warden prompting from behind, mobbed him too. 'Sick last time, that's why bad results. Half hour recharging. Whole day studying' etc. 

 

Just managed to finish Chp 14. Tomorrow Linear Analysis test. Chapters 4 to 10 are left. Reserved Hostel library books. Asked Girisha to give me carton boxes (as he is a Stores boy), agreed. Raja Ganesh took Rs. 1,500 for Brilliant's, will return in 2 days.

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