A couple of group photos - Sai Ramesh Hall inauguration and Sports Meet Jan 1993.
1995-03-20 - Monday - You woke up Vishnu (roommate, cupboard-mate who was next to me in the room), so that I could finish Green's (function revision) by Suprabhatam, then brush through 7:15 to 7:45. So, OK.
Yesterday Warden's Parthi trip - we are to stay in ATP Hostel and work at ATP, in summer, water reservoir levelling. Elated at the prospect - Swami's likely to come! Ugadi at Parthi as Hillary Clinton, US first lady, may come. (Both these events did not happen, as it turned out.)
Then, You gave the "mood to study", or the frame of mind, "needn't finish, but whatever doing, do to satisfaction." So, went very slowly through Special Functions. As I was in the thick of it, with exam tomorrow, half of mid-semester portion left, didn't write, so I'm writing all this on 21st. Warden's announcement that we're working, staying in ATP Hostel, added to upbeat mood. Thank You! Right job for right people!?!
1995-03-21 - Tuesday - From 17th to 20th, (the diary entries of) every day should be advanced (by one day). Actually, the first exam was today! Warden's ultimatum to 1st year boys yesterday in class-wise meetings - "confess your crimes, or else, get kicked out"! Thefts, many other malpractices - large crowds waiting outside W's room.
Slowly coming around to You? Thinking about You more, though concentration during Suprabhatam and Bhajans is still lacking.
1995-03-22 - Wednesday - QM (Quantum Mechanics) - started in earnest only around 9 am. By night, had done only 5/8 chapters. Very cool - study whatever possible, but thoroughly mug. Nithin stopped playing mandolin when I said, "It is disturbing, please stop playing" after him saying that would be the gentlemanly thing to say and not "How long do you intend to play" and "Could you play from the music room".
When will I Wed You, Lord? Constant QM, then Nithin's hours of mental confusion due to ego ... Realized my food likings were quite Rajasic compared to Vishnu's. So many other such "revelations" ... I've tended to bow to peer pressure ...
1995-03-23 - Thursday - You wrote Quantum Mechanics quite well. Then, A3 (parents and sister) phone call - Rs 98, not very satisfactory - informed them I won't be going there. (This also worked out differently in the first week of April). Didn't start Molecular Spectroscopy - Readers' Digest, talking about You and Your photos (my album) took off time, night sleepy as had woken at 3 am to finish 3 chapters. Prize "Prema Vahini" for 3rd place, 97% in Suprabhatam attendance - only 3rd year boy!
You're certainly seeing me through these exams. Thought all this due to the "blackmail" You had to resort to by the cold --> fever, yet another manifestation of Your concern for me - not allowing me to go bad, by force if necessary.
Nowadays, more difficult to be as "Spiru" - "spiritually inclined" as I was earlier, as now I know it is looked upon as a sign of naivete here (naive = "fruit" in hostel parlance) even by teachers, as against the situation at Parthi. But You've given me the courage and stubbornness to be different!
Am I talking too much with Vishnu?
1995-03-24 - Friday - Once again, relaxed too much. MS (Molecular Spectroscopy, revision) started only at 10 am - slept in the afternoon - so had Zeeman effect and lasers left for tomorrow.
As soon as You eased the pressure, Primary School syndrome. Relaxing inordinately and making a mockery of "listening to the conscience". So, the story is, 'I don't know You, You don't know me.'
1995-03-25 - Saturday - Woke at 5, so rushed for time. I'm alienating You, so exam so-so - lots of vague questions. Packing - dumping 5 & 6 semester (textbooks and notebooks, I guess) on Vishnuvardhan - sleeping, a little reading of N. P. (Nuclear Physics).
MS - the first paper I didn't complete - due to not seeing a one-line formula. 5 marks. Packing - all Your photos except the hanging '93 calendar packed. So, I'm drifting away? Whenever I sleep or relax, why don't I think of You? Is it so difficult? There seem to be two Is - one is writing now, and the other one takes over sometimes.
1995-03-26 - Sunday - Thoroughly out. Poor Vishnu couldn't study in the morning when I did - inductive effect? Slightly better position by night, compared to other exams.
Again behind schedule in writing --> out of touch. Please forgive me for all the wallowing in self-pity.
1995-03-27 - Monday - Forgot to review accelerators and detectors, forgot chappals, going to write exam. Wrote Section C so inordinately (slowly) that no time was left for last question. Many answers through my hat.
Read only one chapter of Microprocessors, that was in study hours. Felt so sleepy by 9 that I half-slept, till Naganathan's birthday bumps ceremony - shouted at Sampath / O Srinivas to stop fighting just before sleeping.
Exams are growing worse, as I'm going further away from You ... at least with respect to my frame of mind after the exam. I'm hardly thinking of You even in "official" prayer times...
1995-03-28 - Tuesday - Woke at 7:30! 9 hours (of sleep)! Morning went in newspaper, Business World, settling Karwa-Sampath brawl. Afternoon, no dues certificates, letters of thanks to Umesh Sir and Jain Sir - they're going to be given in a big box... Cleaning up papers in room with "Guru" Ravi Kishore. Study hours "out of mood" - read Chp 2 as boys did as they liked without any word from me.
Morbid reading, isn't it? Most probably My feeling bad by night was due to ignoring You. Maybe I should talk to O Srinivas & Nithin (roommates). The ignoring part ... the whole hostel seems to be doing that, judging by the noise during meals sessions.
1995-03-29 - Wednesday - Read "Hinds' feet on high places" - "Devotional" allegory. Somewhat inspiring - Even lame ones like us can finally reach the High Places with the Chief Shepherd.
We're very lucky to have such nice staff - Physics department. Bio Sc are suffering. Chemistry also OK. Obliging with 'no dues' certificates as with everything else. Jain Sir and Umesh Sir were happy with our "present" of 18 of our letters to them - given separately in their Hostel room. Initially hesitant to accept, then very "senti". Jain Sir - lot of jokes about Lakshmi (wife) joining him soon - "ours will be the last batch enquiring about this, Sir" etc ... half an hour in his room!
1995-03-30 - Thursday - Read only one more chapter. Certificates, application for scholarship renewal, etc. Reading in Dining Hall when room becomes boisterous. Read text till dinner! Served dinner as no plate - packed and kept in 'garden room'. Bed tomorrow in reading room. So, 8-9 puris dinner. Then, walked up and down, read notes. Half is left for tomorrow. Chairs - gave to SSS in Bakery at 4. Finally gave 'No dues' to Office, Mr. Rajeev promised to take care of sending application.
You are slowly coming back to focus. Yesterday's "Hinds' feet" and today's hard work ...
I've written these exams very nonchalantly with last minute (incomplete) preparation. I wonder why. Laziness, no doubt.
Vijayanand and Lakshminarasimhan came to say goodbye - quite sentimental - they really meant it.
1995-03-31 - Friday - Finished Microprocessors by getting up at 3 & bath courtesy Vishnu, paper was easy, and the TTY I left in choice. Lunch, wait for bus (to go to Parthi). APSRTC finally at 3:40 pm we left (2 hours late). Rs. 7 refund as dinner was at Hotel Brindavan - Puri and Dosa.
You again carried the day - TTY went in choice. In the bus (travelling to Parthi) - thought of You a little - not continuously as with BVC sleeping on me that Sports Meet trip. Of course, no darshan - it was 8:40 pm when we reached.
Hillary Clinton didn't visit Parthi, probably due to government bungling.
Parthi tales of many room interviews, group photos - 2 boys + Swami etc. 12th class 2 interviews, 10th class also, morning darshan for 10th & 12th, of course, teachers interview, etc. Shiva Shankara Sai Sir seems to command respect ... (as Warden of Parthi campus).
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