1995-03-19 - Sunday - revision, dreams, send-off

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1995-03-13 - Monday - Whole morning went again in 'doubt-clearing' - Chaitanya and Santosh, after last classes by U and J ... Afternoon viva was 2 to 3:35. Nagi and I. Mostly N's silence. Studies only after bhajan, 15 minutes till dinner, new schedule of study hours 8:30 to 11:30 am and 3:30 to 5:30 pm, meals advanced by half an hour, bhajans at 6:10 pm. 

Though I wasted the whole day (actually two hours - 4 to 5 and 11 to 12), followed Your advice and read for 15 minutes before dinner. Penny wise and pound foolish? No, an indication that പല തുള്ളി പേരു വെള്ളം (many drops makes up a large water body). 4 am waking --> I sleep as soon as I hit the sack - healthy. 

1995-03-14 - Tuesday - Today was also short on studies. Maths (study material) xerox distribution took 2 hours or more. Slept for an hour, too. Ravi Kumar Sir got treat for us, "academic performance". Warden "poured out his heart" in dining hall - thefts Rs. 900 from passbook, Mr. Balakrishna shaken, totally Rs. 1,350 in 14 incidents. Want change of heart. Boy or boys must confess. 9:15 pm - ate Ravi Kumar Sir's treat - 2 samosas (each, for all of us in room A1), luscious, + chutney - sauce is still left. 

Lord, You gave me darshan in my dream, but I didn't respond. So, You prompted me with "Adore God, Abhor Sin (other diary quote at the bottom of the page). Studied somewhat, but not satisfactory, as I seized every opportunity (legal, no doubt) to flee, like getting amplifier from college, going to stores. There, too - I think I failed two more tests of Yours - (i) didn't go forward to help the overseas lady (ii) got mentally upset and angry at boys jumping queue rather than telling them coolly to come in line.

1995-03-15 - Wednesday - Could study quite a long time, but couldn't finish QM by night - H atom is left. Vishnu got his delicate stomach upset by the rich food, so (he had a) stomach ache whole afternoon. Some time went off for him, but sleeping & Math Xerox money collection took more time. 

A very funny dream as I woke up on 15th - You were giving a discourse in Poornachandra, the Japanese head of a religious sect walked up - "Pedda Swamivaru Vastunnaru" (Big Swamiji is coming) ... made a jolly gesture, did saashtaanga pranaamam to him remarking 'Jogging namaskar, eh?' Then continued to talk, changing from Telugu to English effortlessly - "Whenever I want to relax from all these problems, I just go into Krishna Consciousness - not any other way - if someone talks to me in Tamil, I'll reply, giving them advice, this and that - not relaxation there ..." Then, as Vishnu woke me, I asked him if angular momentum with respect to a particular axis is always parallel to it! Your ways are mysterious.

What started on a happy note continued - could study. Then, learnt what attachment is - when Vishnu was rolling with "kaduppunoppi" (stomachache), felt sad. Then consoled with highest philosophy, so that he was OK by bhajan time, and I got 'Ananyaashchintayanto Maam' and 'Prajahaati Yada Kaamaan' ...

1995-03-16 - Thursday - QM finally over only at 11. Molecular Spectroscopy till evening - slow reading text. 4:30 till 7:30, 2nd years' send-off. First (in the Hostel) lawns, then dining hall. Name called - go, pick up card with a riddle or something, get memento, go back, interspersed with games of forming groups etc. Dinner - panipuri, ice cream, batura. Slightly feverish.

It almost appears as if You're forcing Your way in! Well, it's all in my mind - cold tends to fever if I stray, improves otherwise! "Be good, or else..."! 

1995-03-17 - Friday - MP started as no time = so, Nuke suffers. Luxor refills (fine tip) sure improve handwriting, especially at small letter sizes! Special Functions rhinoceros. Probability today. 

Another one! (Dream, that is). This time, You spoke to me! You went by the college in car - I got the clue we may get chances if follow - saw You going to sit on the lawns of Trayee with overseas devotees - changed clothes, walked outside to reach - along Kannur Road (Our house in Calicut was on Kannur Road). Some 10 "form boys" waiting outside the 3rd house after Gopika (one of our neighbouring houses) - "Swami's there" - You came to the door, beckoned. You bent to pick up some dry leaves - we did that job. I stretched my hand to take the leaves from Your hand, You threw them a little to my right. I picked them up again, went outside and to dispose, threw on roof. Came back - only You and I.
"How are you?"
"Just fine, Swami." 
Memory fade out. 


1995-03-18 - Saturday - Special Functions - couldn't complete by night. Then, Satya showed last year's MP question paper - Bouncers to unprepared me. So, new zeal!

Struggling with Mathematics, lost touch with You for two days.

1995-03-19 - Sunday - Could finish Special Functions only by evening 4:30! Entire mid-semester portion is left! By Swami's grace, "enjoying" the work started today - coolly doing for pleasure - great fun. But Entire Green's functions left by night. 

Though not derailed, I wasn't making contact with You.


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