1995-07-31 - Monday - ups and downs

Photo from this page - Sathya Sai with Students: "What is so special about computers?"

1995-07-24 - Monday - Sainath Sir's many mistakes put me off. But Vishwanath Sir again switched me on. KBR again grilled on practicals. Prof came - "painful" to see equipment not well taken care of - wants us (1st MSc) to do it. Topology review for tomorrow's "seminar".

You've been helping me - sending Sai Reflections etc. - such inspiring material. Now for some time at least, I won't be having material pressures other than academics. Hope You'll keep me company. Just now flash - don't tell Sainath Sir all that he says is wrong - only don't show a blank face in class - he'll feel bad. But I must ask the other boys whether his speed should ↑ or ↓.

1995-07-25 - Tuesday - Seminar OK, finished all six (there were six of us in 1st MSc Physics) in 2 periods, 3rd and 4h. Then, tooth. (Meaning I went to the General Hospital to get the cavity in my tooth treated.) She put a "dressing", asked me to come again next Tuesday. Vishwanath Sir really good (in teaching). Wrote C++ brackets program once again to eliminate bugs.

I've created wrong channels in my brain - thought lines - so that now I'm not studying as much, wasting more time - than last year. Vishnu's (roommate last year at Brindavan, one year junior) not here to inspire... But I should do on my own - that's what You want. Till now, a miserable failure. Let's see what You can do ... but I've to surrender first.

You blessed Kota Srikanth (1st year UG, roommate if I remember correctly) with vibhuti packets, some other boys' photos signed ... hope for (my upcoming) birthday ... but I've to improve first.

1995-07-26 - Wednesday - Putting vibhuti on the infected wound on my leg - worked very fast, skin started forming. C++ practicals - crashing of all "class" programs may be due to constructor which uses "for" - not expanded inline. ADC connected to microprocessor (8085).

One way to eliminate bad thought lines is slow decay - being so busy as not being able to think along those lines ... Seems to be the only way to me. Other ways require some will power.

1995-07-27 - Thursday - Sainath Sir came only at 10.30, so storm by Prof - who thought 2nd hour was Sainath Sir's - Vishwanath Sir had said he's not teaching today. (At that time, Sainath Sir was staying at Poornachandra, Swami's residence, so probably he would have had some work there.) Time was spent in dictating song lyrics to Tarak (roommate, American), then reviewing books (xerox material).

You're giving me so many mangoes when I'm planting neem - dread the day when the reverse comes. (A reference to the example Swami has often given for Karma - plant neem seeds and expect mango fruits?) Warning bells should ring: "You're jeopardizing your future - Continue (Y/N)?" My own fault - I've switched off the warning system ...

1995-07-28 - Friday - Optics practicals with light fever. CSNK (roommate, classmate and co-room leader) also fever - located prism, that's all - checked its i/d was approximately the same. Night - slept by 9:30.

This time, the break in diary writing comes from disease & exhaustion, not mental aberrations. Fever on Friday + a big rash (palm size) just above the ankle.

1995-07-29 - Saturday - Nobody woke ⇒ 7:30! But fever gone. MASM practicals - used INT 20 & INT 21H to terminate programs ... Dr. Bhatia says herpes ...

Ashwin + one boy were called inside (interview room, probably). Thru them, confirmed, Swami "unhappy" with boys.

1995-07-30 - Sunday - No free time, so the backlog just accumulates. Now most probably it will remain till end of mid-semester exams. Swami surrounded. "You are students, not devotees."

We surrounded You on portico, sang "Sai, tum hamare praan ho", kept pleading for half an hour. You had gone straight from ladies' side to avoid us. "You are only students, not devotees." "No, I am not unhappy ... only upset ... You have come here for studies - you apply to the Institute, not to Me. Boys don't even follow the first principle of the Institute - The proper study of mankind is Man - Thought, Word and Deed are different. If you had real devotion, you wouldn't be here like this - I would've come to you. You don't digest what I give you, then ask for more ... not Hostel food - My food. True, there are some who digest, but the rest?"

"Boys - talk beyond limits, laugh beyond limits, gherao beyond limits. Hearts are stinking drains. You're decorating the stage without cleaning the seat. How will I sit there?"

Ended with, "Earn a good name, then I'll talk."

Made us move back again. "Work is going on - something may fall on your head" (from workers atop roof). Primary school hadn't come in the evening (for darshan) - providential, as our moving forward would've been catastrophic if they had been there.

Registrar also talked to us Sunday evening.

1995-07-31 - Monday - Encyclopaedia gave multiplicity of herpes ... chickenpox residue? (I had contracted chickenpox in Feb/Mar 1991). Sleeping in Mandir refreshed after depressing KBR practicals. Ego makes Prof's classes unbearable - must cut my ego.

So (for darshan), we're sitting on the white marble "stage" area as You can't say "work" about that place. Took letters from some boys, blessed birthday boys (especially Primary School boys), but uninterested look towards the rest of us.