1995-12-26 - Tuesday - Woke with S4 halfway through Suprabhatam. Prof. Ailawady, GV, afternoon guest random walk (Ga As) by Sri ... Sharma, ex of AT&T, now IISc, doctorate from IIT ... pushing experiment over theory. Ran and exercised games time till 4:30. Just doing accumulated "house work" is a way of putting off studies. Talked with Annam Shankar during study hours for what Hostel needs. Went to (Hostel Room) C14 to write diary. Your stories from Prabhu Ramachandran. Room lights were still on at 10:50! Off in 5 minutes.
I interpreted it immediately as Your positive response - I had "sincerely" run & exercised (games) and come to Mandir - You were walking out to Hyderabad Vidya Vihar children. I sat in the corner of Mandir (old boys' place) while You spoke to them & went slowly back. First row is different - looking directly at You, no-one to distract. But lots of work ahead - self-perpetrating karma must end.
As soon as the desire comes, I fulfil it - that's weakness. Desire to eat bun - go & eat. Desire to put off work and laze - I do it, and so on. As You say, I must think before acting - would You like it or not? ...
1995-12-27 - Wednesday - KVR told me not to put mics for AWR - "No equipment" - finally guest didn't turn up as VC called a meeting, so Anil Kumar Sir only. Practicals - rough plot good for Numerical Aperture. Xray machine dug out - to attempt to repair.
Speculated that I must apply censorship to what I write here, so that I can myself enjoy reading later.
1995-12-28 - Thursday - Sleeping during Suprabhatam wrapped up in shawl. Quiz - came 3rd - UG team 1st, PG B-house next. GV didn't come. Ailawady's teaching what he wants to. Practicals - drawing a simple parabola - no joke in C++. 386s brought outside. Marching for PG till 4:30. (S4 's speech till 4:15!) Aerobics 9:20. 'Arati' with swinging hips put me off + laziness ⇒ no aerobics from tomorrow. It was 11:45 when slept, after Aerobics practice! (The marching practice, aerobics, etc are for the upcoming Sports Meet, on Jan 11th.)
You really set me thinking about the need to pull up my socks and act - looking at me, You turned away from the aisle into the gap towards upper portico away from my hands.
Lots of thinking, but action isn't up to the mark. Just thinking of You as near is enough, but I'm not doing that!
1995-12-29 - Friday - Suprabhatam half-asleep. GV said we'll meet after Sports. Ailawady's classes will continue. The 386 in Linear Lab to plot our Numerical Aperture - problems with C drive in Windows loading. 120 MB double-spaced disk! Windows, Disk Doctor, Lotus, etc etc. Letter to Harsha (former classmate in Brindavan) who sent me a New Year card & one to Vishnu (former roommate in Brindavan) with news + multimeter query.
Shailesh Sir's Neem seed / Mango tree / Mango seed / Neem tree may start for me now. I think I may turn a new leaf. Then, the neem trees will come out ... Lord, give me the steadfastness to face them! GPA, Quiz, etc all can come against.
1995-12-30 - Saturday - KBR gave some record instructions, then carry on. Got op amp ready. C++ - made a parabola graph. Read C++ in Mandir & study hours also - pointers. Tarak Reddy (roommate from USA) playing with his video camera, Habbu Sir also for marching.
Slightly better day. Coming to Mandir, was deliberately heedless of You standing there. OK day because of DREAM in the morning - You were in a blue robe, talking to a small boy, both sitting on the ground, both eating from the same plate. I was in the back of the room, watching. Went out of interview room & I found You in red robe talking to someone near Brindavan Foreigners' Canteen - back again to interview room - You're still there in blue robe ... Later - Achan & Amma (parents) - talking in loud voice just outside - me shushing them. (End of dream narration.) But Bhakthi rasam (feeling of devotion) was missing from the dream - not like the Aum Namo Bhagavate Vasudevaya dream. Sitting in (Hostel room) C14 bhajan hall has lots of possibilities. You came close to me in the silence ...
1995-12-31 - Sunday - Did note-making GWP (Lee) in (Hostel room) C20. Ate 3 ice-creams at 11 o'clock! Rajesh Grover's (batchmate in commerce) B'day cake + squash.
Morning, You blessed the b'day boys at last, while going back. Big rush - Sai Kulwant is full & You got Your hands full of letters half-way though ladies' side. 7:20 AM. Spilled some, called the white-haired lady (probably Mrs. Shourie) who picked up. In the evening, after interviews, You looked (stared at me 1-2 seconds) twice - standing on portico looking around, made one more round on gents' side. Called singers, school captains (to the interview room). Tomorrow music program + band program.
Darshan with hands full of letters - screenshot from this video - Bhagawan Sri Sathya Sai Baba | Darshan at Prasanthi Nilayam | 1995
When I opened the (book of) 108 quotes, (the following quote opened up) - "Devotion is not a uniform that is to be put on on certain days and removed later." My satiation spree in eatables? Sitting in the peace of (Hostel room) C20 without the distractions of room and cupboard, helped concentrate.
Below this page, in the space meant for Jan 1st 1996, I've written the following.
Pens Swami gave me:
Pink coloured "herlita"(?) Germany - XII ? 1st year UG? prize.
White & Orange - SATHIA SAI BABA - Trayee 1994-'95 sitting around You....
Green Sketch pen (Carioca) - Winter showers in Puttaparthi 1992-'93
Blue sealed ballpen - XI prize - lost?
Red sealed ballpen - Brindavan distribution - 1993-'94
Blue sealed ballpen - Choutte (?) - Summer Course 1995.
Other Summer Course pens lost?
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