1995-02-01 - Wednesday - M. S. (Molecular spectroscopy exam) also OK. The problem Chaitanya had asked (me to clarify for him) came (in the exam) - proof that it helps me to help others. Read jokes from "Speakers' Treasure Chest" all evening, rearranged photos in Album, "Emperor's New Mind" in study hours. Taking μp (Microprocessors exam) easy. Physics Major (students, us) served dinner with black pants and white shirts! Slight tensions over switching off lights, nothing serious - keeping cool and the quote on the next page is the best way. (The quote is, "With love you can conquer the world.")
Though I relaxed too much after exam, rearranging Your photos kept You in mind. So, first half of Bhajans good. But, 2nd half, my concentration was more on clapping. Best way is either not clap or clap very softly. Home dreams at night, esp. Amma.
1995-02-02 - Thursday - Woke at 7:30! Relaxed till lunch with "Treasure Chest" jokes. Finally started μp (Microprocessors revision) after tea, sleeping after lunch. Finished by study hours. Made bed with bedsheet and blanket instead of sleeping inside sleeping bag. Dhobi delayed by 4 days due to water problem for him. Borewell dug. Book stall building taking shape fast. Girisha reports 5 lacs! cost.
The Book Store which was under construction at that time can be seen in the background, beyond the "Divyasmriti museum" in the foreground which used to be the Brindavan F. C. (Western Canteen) and stores. From this video.
Though the morning was quite lethargic, evening sleeping crowned it. But concentrated μp was OK for the mind. Bhajan time - I'm able to keep concentration for only half the time - then getting distracted by clapping, singing, etc. In the room, I feel ill at ease as Nithin plays on the mandolin. Because I told him not to play film songs, he shifted from old songs to new ones I can't detect. Also, his bullying of Sampath etc - he takes it playfully, so I don't know whether to intervene or not - so I'm not sure if my policy of just being a spectator is correct.
The Brindavan Ashram as it appeared around 2010, from this album.
1995-02-03 - Friday - μp (Microprocessors exam) also OK. Discovered AUTO OFF of calculator. Read "Treasure Chest" instead of "Emperor's New Mind" till lunch. Ad. for portable CD player like Walkman! Night movie "Speed" - I read "New Mind" from (room number) A4 to avoid Nithin's mandolin (in our room A1). Vishnu narrated his attempts to make Helicopter model, his inspiration from Amit Jayaswal (who was a Bio Science topper in Sri Sathya Sai Higher Secondary School, his batchmate, I think) and inability to do Sandhya. Class in the afternoon - Prof. Balsu with flu talked of Physics and Physics Day (coming up next Thursday).
Swami, You did so much for me, I couldn't do anything in return ... these feelings made me feel Bhajan time that I should do all as You would wish. Of course it is difficult - doing things is OK, but thinking "correctly" is v. v. difficult. Why am I not able to apply the simple formula of Namasmarana? Maybe I've become too hardened for that simple faith. First few Bhajans OK, then drowned in Raaga & Taala. Possibly I'm not evolved enough for full-time devotion, so should at least become part-time by being drowned in Physics instead of other things so that at least some time I can think of You.
1995-02-04 - Saturday - Vishnu's ancestor's stories. Nithin's going home for sister's marriage! One week of peace! We had only μp (Microprocessors) class. N. P. 47 (probably that I got 47/50 marks in the N. P. exam). Rest preparing for Physics Day and μp new lab. Wrote speech I've to deliver on Sound Systems during study hours. Bathed twice.
Mind is quite out of Shruti - knows sweets, but eating tamarind. Dinner time - felt (for the umpteenth time) that I'm being a cad to You. I'm back in the habit of making long stories up in my mind. Asking Rajesh Singh, "Why are you like this? Why don't you improve?" - seemed to be asking myself. His reply, "I try, sometimes I succeed."
1995-02-05 - Sunday - Soldered RCA cords, after breakfast audit. Trying out 45 PTM (amplifiers) + Peavey Stereo Effect, till 2:30. Tea time soldered phono jacks for Peaveys (speakers). Haircut + bath again. Finished PA system speech, told Rajesh Singh.
The Hindu Sunday Magazine is positively non-veg nowadays, except travelogues and Dennis. After being busy till evening, saw Your 'letter to Brindavanam' '71 & '73. "You have become like rats, caught in the trap by the smell of onion, unheeding of the good advice I gave you, but I am still ready to meet you halfway ... " "No use pondering over the past ..." But I'm still not in Shruti.
1995-02-06 - Monday - Preparations for Physics day. Finally decided on the program; combined Sound Systems / Physics in Music program by Rajesh Singh and I, questions by Satya (Narayana) and Laxmi (Narasimhan). Preceded by Cricket on Moon skit and Prof's speech, followed by Laser demo, optic fiber, lissajous, burglar ad, carols (I particularly remember Deck the Halls), report on video, prizes to crossword winners, etc.
1995-02-07 - Tuesday - Prof told us to be natural and talk, not about gloomy things, but be light. "But I can't act like a 20-year-old". Zoom - when said Arvind will introduce him, said "I must be able to keep awake when he's doing that." Practiced songs, set up everything (in the college auditorium) till 7:30 pm.
I don't remember much as I'm writing on 11th, but being busy kept my mind occupied. Didn't think of anything else other than preparations for 'Exciting Physics'.
1995-02-08 - Wednesday - Almost whole day in Auditorium, except meals. Practised our Sound System program once, flopped, so Jain Sir also joined the questioners' group. Recording sound for Report, etc went on till nearly 12. Then decided to turn in. Rajesh and myself slept in Auditorium as Auditorium had been broken into before, all things were there. Woken by watchman shouting from window at 5:30 am on 9th morning.
Missed Bhajans yesterday and today. Also missing Suprabhatam to sleep there, so I was almost blacking You out.
1995-02-09 - Thursday - Some programs like Quiz fell through, but the Sound System program was OK. In the video recording, my round head surprised me - Amma's objections came to mind. Shifted everything back by 3 pm. S. G. Sir told me to shift projector to Hostel - tomorrow film on Swami. Felt very sleepy by 9 o'clock. Slept after washing.
You made it so that many other things (like Pingali's skit, also Quiz) were not so successful, but the Sound Systems (program) was good. Off the cuff. Felt I shouldn't corner Your credit. Bhajans at last.
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