Screenshot from this video - Sathya Sai Baba 1985
1995-02-20 - Monday - Subramaniam Sir surprised us by saying that if no one volunteers, drop the 'Chart of Special Functions' - later, found that Srikant had asked for an extension of deadline. Vijayanand and I decided to finish it. Did initial work in that hour (he didn't take), then 1 to 5 slogged in A5. He wrote (he was good at calligraphy and art) I drew lines, cut, pasted. Then, put up in classroom (took Prof's key) without Subramaniam Sir in the next room knowing. Gave an entry for caption contest.
You shook me a little till lunch and then helped me back. First irritated at MSK, SS, etc for the respective foolishness, yesterday also irritated, with myself, for so little progress in studies. But by evening, after the work, felt close to You. Felt the same till sleeping. But I saw the caption under Your photo in prayer hall - "I was / am / will be waiting, waiting, waiting, for a true devotee."
1995-02-21 - Tuesday - Woke at 3, read "Emperor's New Mind" till Suprabhatam. Continued after bath. Again, after class 4 pm onwards. Santosh seminar was interesting, but pitched a bit high. Subramaniam Sir no reaction about chart. Notice - Mahashivarathri at Parthi, leaving Saturday / Sunday. Phoned A3 (parents and sister), told them this. Sleepy by 9. "Emperor's New Mind" only. Bilvashtakam and Lingashtakam daily practice has begun.
Voice slightly hoarse - phlegm - so bhajans concentration lacking. Thoughts straying. Remembered You in QM class just in time to keep awake in a proper way. Pull me closer, Lord.
1995-02-22 - Wednesday - Again 3 am, "Emperor's New Mind", evening after practicals, after bhajan again continued. India won against Australia in NZ one-dayer. Basic Practicals - struggled with Fresnel's Biprism till 5:30 pm, then got the technique, decided to do tomorrow.
Being forced to write "Diaries", ie. autograph books - since I feel like writing good wishes etc only for a few boys - direct contradiction of "All are one, be alike to everyone" - so, must oblige with whatever comes to mind. I think putting You on hold, as it were, to read "Emperor's New Mind" seems to be wrong, as "Time Waste is Life Waste" was the saying of today in the other diary! Also, plunging from elation to grief and vice versa by petty matters like practicals - must be more objective (Sthitaprajna).
1995-02-23 - Thursday - Didn't get up from bed though woke at 3 am, so had to read "Emperor's New Mind" in study hours for half an hour to finish. Bioscience Day - Heavy feedback & tension + weak breakfast of beaten rice caused weakness by lunch. Raja Ganesh (classmate in Bioscience) fed me sandwiches and biscuits when I was winding up. Bio boys, all 12, did a lot of hard work, but lack of organisation (read Jain Sir) told in the end. Curtain closing etc. Mics also troubled. Poor things. Did Fresnel's Biprism with Harsha as Chaitanya was on leave.
For Bhajan, Raga (tune) drowned Bhava (feeling). Also applicable to "Time Waste is Life Waste.* Slightly better in mind? Slightly closer to You than yesterday. Warden's speech yesterday that this is the best batch I II III years. Talking to Sampath also classified under *TWILW - telling him that some day he will evolve led to such a long discussion and dragged in Ravi Kishore and unpleasantness ... വിഷ്ണുവിന്റെ അടുത്തു മലയാളം സംസാരിച്ച് സംസാരിച്ച് ഇപ്പോൾ സ്വാമിയുടെ അടുത്തും കുറച്ചൊക്കെ മലയാളത്തിൽ പറയുന്നുണ്ട് ഞാൻ. (Talking to (roommate) Vishnu in Malayalam, I'm speaking to Swami also in Malayalam a bit now).
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