This evening was the first day on which I did not need to mix audio at Mandir for radiosai audio feed for a music program, and the other radiosai team members had set things up to stream directly from the studio. I sent a mail congratulating them. This brings to an end (or a temporary pause) my hands-on involvement in Mandir audio, which had begun in 1993. (See edit at the bottom of this page.) Though there was no physical diary entry - I don't maintain a diary at present - I found the date through emails.
Setting up the translator's mic - Summer Course 1995.
In the bhajan hall with PB, Prof. Venkataraman, Mr. Venugopal of WorldSpace India, and others. Most probably this was the live broadcast for Convocation/Bday 2002 or Shivarathri 2003.
Since this post was short on text, I thought I would use this post as a place to elaborate a little on the other aspects of my journey with You which were not covered in the radiosai interview. So, here goes.
The previous post laid it on a bit thick with the compliments. As You say, "...you are not one but three - the one you think you are, the one others think you are, and the one you really are." And "munde munde matir bhinnah" - each one has his or her own opinions, ideas and world views. So, many people, including I, would feel that the previous post's characterization was too rosy - this rose has thorns, too.
One of the lessons I had learnt (maybe by the time I finished my undergraduate studies?) was to not 'hero-worship' people, or put them on a pedestal. All of us are human beings. If we had no defects whatsoever, we would not be here on Earth, which is our School. A better approach would be to appreciate the good qualities of everyone, and try to not fixate on their faults. This applies to me too, so I should not self-criticize too much, either, but it would be helpful to know one's defects so that one can work towards correcting them.
In that spirit, my self-assessment is that among the Ari shad vargas (six enemies), I am least troubled by Lobha, Moha and Matsarya. Greed, infatuation or attachment or delusion, and jealousy. Mada or arrogance to some extent, in some respects, I think. I don't like people teasing me, so that is probably a symptom of mada. From age 14 to 26 or so, I actively tried various methods You had suggested for "controlling bad thoughts" and "not allowing anger to raise its head". I generally lose my temper if
(a) I have not had food - "hangry" and
(b) someone doesn't listen to me when I explained something to them logically or properly.
So I generally try to avoid interactions with people (especially those which have potential to irritate me :) when I'm hungry. Sometimes, this second variety of anger is useful - there are some kinds of people who only listen when shouted at. But what I've to cultivate more is the ability to dissociate the inner "me" from the anger going on outside, so that the work gets done without disturbing the inner calm. In short, a work in progress.
Then there are also people whom I've hurt unintentionally, who would have a pretty dim view of me. Again, a very large number of people. That usually stems from my "inflexibility" which some people tell me is a defect, but I'm somewhat reluctant to admit. But by the duck test - if it quacks like a duck, if it swims like a duck, it's a duck - if it causes hurt to others, it's a defect. That is, I've not mastered "Sathyam brooyath, Priyam brooyath, Na brooyath Sathyam Apriyam" (Speak truth, but in a pleasing way) - or as You say, "You cannot always oblige, but you can always speak obligingly". This is another aspect where I fall short. How I deal with this is by avoiding situations which would irritate me or cause me to answer brusquely, and to prefer email, or in the earlier days, hand-written letters. And to never reply to email in anger. As You say, "If it is something good, do it immediately. If it is something which may not be good, take your time. Reflect over the pros and cons. Only then, act." So I have a blanket rule of deferring email replies to the next day, if I feel irritated while typing it.
One of the lessons I had learnt (maybe by the time I finished my undergraduate studies?) was to not 'hero-worship' people, or put them on a pedestal. All of us are human beings. If we had no defects whatsoever, we would not be here on Earth, which is our School. A better approach would be to appreciate the good qualities of everyone, and try to not fixate on their faults. This applies to me too, so I should not self-criticize too much, either, but it would be helpful to know one's defects so that one can work towards correcting them.
In that spirit, my self-assessment is that among the Ari shad vargas (six enemies), I am least troubled by Lobha, Moha and Matsarya. Greed, infatuation or attachment or delusion, and jealousy. Mada or arrogance to some extent, in some respects, I think. I don't like people teasing me, so that is probably a symptom of mada. From age 14 to 26 or so, I actively tried various methods You had suggested for "controlling bad thoughts" and "not allowing anger to raise its head". I generally lose my temper if
(a) I have not had food - "hangry" and
(b) someone doesn't listen to me when I explained something to them logically or properly.
So I generally try to avoid interactions with people (especially those which have potential to irritate me :) when I'm hungry. Sometimes, this second variety of anger is useful - there are some kinds of people who only listen when shouted at. But what I've to cultivate more is the ability to dissociate the inner "me" from the anger going on outside, so that the work gets done without disturbing the inner calm. In short, a work in progress.
Then there are also people whom I've hurt unintentionally, who would have a pretty dim view of me. Again, a very large number of people. That usually stems from my "inflexibility" which some people tell me is a defect, but I'm somewhat reluctant to admit. But by the duck test - if it quacks like a duck, if it swims like a duck, it's a duck - if it causes hurt to others, it's a defect. That is, I've not mastered "Sathyam brooyath, Priyam brooyath, Na brooyath Sathyam Apriyam" (Speak truth, but in a pleasing way) - or as You say, "You cannot always oblige, but you can always speak obligingly". This is another aspect where I fall short. How I deal with this is by avoiding situations which would irritate me or cause me to answer brusquely, and to prefer email, or in the earlier days, hand-written letters. And to never reply to email in anger. As You say, "If it is something good, do it immediately. If it is something which may not be good, take your time. Reflect over the pros and cons. Only then, act." So I have a blanket rule of deferring email replies to the next day, if I feel irritated while typing it.
During the incident below, I was walking along the path where You are moving in this photo. Photo from the internet.
Interestingly, You had called me 'Somberi' (lazy fellow) in a half-joking manner. This was during my Brindavan days, working for Audio Visual department, setting up mics in Sai Ramesh Hall before You came out of Trayee Brindavan. One day, while I crossed Your interview room door and went to the other corner of the compound where the changeover switch was located, changed over to generator and was returning, You came out of the door, early. I had been walking back, but when I saw You, I ran towards the PA system room so that I could alert the others and also expedite the setup, which had not yet been done. That's when You called out "Somberi" after me, as I ran ahead of You. And in the spiritual sense, that epithet is quite apt. Though I "do" many things on the physical plane, I'm quite "lazy" about progress in the spiritual plane. But You still help me along, like the marjala kishora. And in some matters I am conventionally lazy too, of course. This usually happens when I want to avoid a particular situation, and request someone else to do that chore for me and so on.
Then there are the eccentricities. These may or may not be faults, but most conventional people would find these traits strange. Like point number 4 in my room-mate's* hilarious 'Brahmachari eccentricities' post.
*When You gave us jobs, You asked that we (students who were now staff) be given room accommodation inside the Ashram, 3 to a room. During a brief period, this was increased to 4 per room, then again brought down to 3 per room. NNR and Namz have been my room-mates for more than 20 years now, and we're very happy with each other. HSB was our room-mate briefly during the 4 per room phase. Also, VijK for a short while.
This post is linked from this post of 1994, which is probably the first time I helped out with moving the mixer to the Bhajan Hall at Prasanthi Nilayam - my earlier involvement was at Brindavan.
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